Tonight is the night where I break the boundaries of unmentionable pain, walk a few steps to my desired location, and strike up a conversation with two of the best people in the world. Oh, yes I've had about a year to accomplish this. Oh, yes it's quite extremely overdue. Oh, yes this would have been the easiest thing in the world to do four years ago. Before I wrecked everything.
Tonight is where I face my darling, younger friend Kovenant and give her a great big hug saying, "happy birthday, dear!". The reason I'm saying this is because it's her birthday and she is now thirteen. Oh, where I was at thirteen...
Tonight I'm going to tell one of my greatest friends that I've messed up. I've done wrong and I'm sorry. I hope she'll forgive me for breaking her trust. I mess up so many times. I screw everything up with the people I care about the most. Why is that? Why can't I just be perfect?
Tonight I'll worship God and raise my hands in full surrender. I think the reason we're not as close is because of all the crap in the way. All the things I need to make right between my friendships. All the things I need to change about my life. Tonight is the night to do that....and I'm unbelievably scared. But I've been scared before and I've had to do things that stretched out of my comfort zone. And I've made it out with a brilliant smile across my face!
I'm sorry I haven't been posting. Some days I can't think of anything to say or I don't know quite how to form it. Of course, days turn into weeks and pretty soon my blog looks pretty blah, doesn't it? Yes, I'm aware.
I was thinking of doing a series of posts that focus on the real, true story of what happened with my friends and me. I always talk about them and how I wrecked things and how we used to be and how we are now...but I don't think I've ever told you how it all started. If you'd like that, leave me a comment :) Any other suggestions would be spectacular!
- quote from hilary duff's song "fly" -
Can I also say that I chickened out and never talked to my old friends? Or that I never confessed to my other frend? I feel horrible and am thinking that I fail miserably when it comes to friendship. I've talked about a few behind their backs -what kind of friend is that? Any advice? I've been taking to God, so I know He'll help me, even if it means doing something I really don't want to do! :)