the day i smiled and said hello.

i'm ready for change. the spread your arms, free as a bird kind of change. where you find yourself making new friends, expressing yourself, and truly living for jesus. where you fall in love with your outfit, laugh often, and make people's days. i must admit, that i often feel trapped inside a box. i get so scared, feel so awful. but that feeling, that place, it gets so tiring and old. i can't live that way, constantly in a struggle. a fight. a battle. i need sunshine and bible verses' and smiles. i need peace and reassurance and love.

so i say it's time for just that. i've always wanted to be one of those girls who people come to for advice and get invited to all the parties because she's wanted. who's confident and lovely and admirable. and i can't quite be that person in this cold, angry place. it's stopping me from doing some big things. it's hurting me. not that i'll get invited to all the parties - i'm not even sure i want to attend some of them. but i think you get the idea. popular for the right reasons. maybe that's right and maybe that's wrong. 

but i know that god has some amazing things in store for me. if only i'd listen up and obey. if only i'd stop worrying and stop doing things on my own judgement and my own thoughts. i want to fall in love with jesus. i think i have to fall in love with him before i can fall in love with the right boy. i want to spread cheer and light to those around me. i want to find peace in his arms. sleep in his grace.

i'm going to be the girl who makes people think twice. who loves and loves unconditionally. who lives for jesus, not for others. sure i might mess up, fail, fall short. and i'm not going to be perfect. i'm going to be free. i'm going to be a child of god. i'm going to be everything he wants. and i think living for him and being what he has planned for me, is the true secret to happiness.