It’s that feeling you get when he’s paying attention to you – like really paying attention to you. His eyes focused on yours and you can’t help but feel like you’re walking on air. You get home with a smile on your face that just won’t come off. And you wonder what it would be like to be alone with him. What it would be like to have conversations in his car, a rainstorm the background music to your words. You can’t help but feel hope. But then you remember. You realize what’s happened. You’ve let him go and you can’t get him back. At least not right now, at least not in this moment. You wonder what would have happened if you had handled the situation differently. What would have happened if you would have said yes – I still really like him. What would be happening now? Would his name be appearing on your text messages instead of hers? Would you be able to remark on how sweet he is or how handsome he is without getting questioning looks? And would you be able to fully adore this night because it could possibly lead to something more than a broken friendship?
Oh, I know. You should never let a boy get in-between your friendship. Oh, I know that he might not be the one. That someone amazing could be out there. That I shouldn’t get my heart so involved or attached. *sigh* sometimes the brain doesn’t always want to listen. Sometimes you just have to exhale and listen to the rain. Which, if you’d like to know, it is actually raining right now. I spent my Saturday night at a youth outing complete with grilling, volleyball, zip lining (though I didn’t actually zip line), a salt water pool (though a didn’t actually swim), a pond, music, and laughter. Tons of that. We didn’t get a chance for our bonfire since it started storming, so we came back to the church and hung out for a bit. Playing hide and go seek and such.
And yes, this boy that I speak of was there. The same one in fact that got his car whipped creamed Wednesday by us. in fact, if you so remember, was the other boy i liked during the play. who had a mop of curly dark hair and was kind to everyone? You know, it’s not even that he likes me. I should probably get over this. Or at least not ponder on it so much. That would probably be a good thing.
And how was your Saturday?
gah, the first paragraph is directly from my life. except for me, the boy in question has a big smile that crinkles up the corners of his eyes, and dark brown hair with adorable tight curls, and he makes me laugh more than anyone I know. annnnd he lives on the other side of the world.
ReplyDeleteI miss him.