i miss my mom. it's so strange, actually, because last year we spent nearly 24/7 together. now, I'm lucky if I get to see her a little each week. that kills me inside because her and i were so close and i realize that there comes a time when parents and their kids break apart from each other.. but the way this all happened just feels wrong and tragic. she's always been the rock that i turned to for comfort, approval, reassurance, and compliments. she was who i turned to when i was going through something hard. but what do i do when what i'm going through is the divorce of my parents, my family, and my mom's waist isn't there to hold. her way of getting through this is becoming emotionless, but my way of getting through this is becoming emotional.
i wish she was here right now. i wish i could rewind time and see my parents love each other again. i never realized how important that was for me. i never realized how the relationship of my parents could affect the stability of my life. how i function. i find comfort in cute little christmas cups and my twinkly lights. my friends too, of course. they're seriously such a large part of my life now it's crazy. i never knew how important true friends were until i was in desperate need of some. without them, i don't know where i'd be.
i'm off to church, now. i hope that it fills me up and gives me motivation. also, i'm terribly sorry for all the depressing posts i've been putting up lately. i've just needed a place to lay out all my thoughts and a place to express how i'm feeling and this just happens to be that.