I can't believe it's almost been half a year since I've posted. I want to say a lot has happened and I have changed, but in reality I don't think either of those statements are exactly true. Nevertheless, I was in SAT test prep the other day and instead of listening to my teacher lecture about whatever she was lecturing about, I wrote this. I don't know why, but I kind of like it, and it's one of the very few things I've actually written as of late. I don't know how often I'll be posting (if at all), life is hectic and I often succumb to the stress-fullness of it all. But I felt like posting and maybe what I need is to get back to the old me. And the old me loved her blog.

8.22.13

The problem with life and people and relationships is that everybody’s selfish. I’m selfish, you’re selfish, and your friends are selfish. It’s hard when you’re in a bad mood to think about anything but your mad mood and thus you inflict your pain on others simply because “misery loves company”. And I suppose you want sympathy, you want someone to care about why you’re in such a downward mood so you enthusiastically flaunt your feelings. Maybe you vent to people, but what happens when you vent to people is they become empathetic even if they aren’t empathetic people and they themselves start to feel terrible about their day, even if it was going fine. Then you become even more depressed because you both are depressed and what is there to be happy about if everyone is depressed? So you stare blankly and you say, “I’m just tired” and imply you meant physically as you rub your eyes and give them a lazy smile, but inwardly you know that you’re tired mentally and that you want them to somehow know without knowing. So you turn to your numbing devices like a dog returning to its vomit and you realize how that even though these things are nice, they only subside the pain, not fix it. Maybe this is why there is so much anger in the world, people getting annoyed over the smallest things. Perhaps you aren’t happy with yourself.