b o y f r i e n d l e s s

i'm always talking about one boy or another and while it may seem slightly absurd to the majority, i like it. boys are just a fun topic and sooo easy to write about.

and so before i take my dose of cough medicine and settle under the covers with my blue and green christmas lights still aglow and an episode of greys anatomy,

i'm going to write about yet another boy. 

his name is chris.

chris is a senior and very all-american.

he's preppy, wearing sweaters and white pants and american eagle.

his hair is dark as are his eyes.

he plays soccer, golf, and swim. 

i started thinking about him towards the end of the summer. 

apparently he had a crush on me sometime once school started.

a "huge" crush. 

but i didn't know this and he surely didn't tell me or give me any clue whatsoever. 

but then he started talking to my friend. 

and they made out in my driveway..

..the night before my 17th birthday. erm. 

he drives a big black truck, all shiny and new looking. 

it smells like heaven inside. 

and now he's single and in my sociology class and i don't know what to do with myself.

i just want.. well, i don't know what i want. 

but he's there.

and i'm there. 

and i find it completely unfair that we're both there with so much promise..

yet we barely talk. 

so i try and pay attention as malchow lectures on values and culture..

and wonder why i'm not in the seat next to him,

writing notes back and forth and trying not to laugh,

staring into his eyes,

and calling him mine.